I’m not going to lie to you – lately my life has been feeling like a mess.

This could be because I’m in my last semester of college and I have no ambition to do anything. I get things done, of course (because I need to pass all four classes), so it’s not my classes or my work with Her Campus Lasell that makes me think of my life being this way. So the question is…

Why?

Simple.

I have no idea what I’m doing once I graduate college.

Okay, I have an idea. Kind of. Okay, maybe not. Who knows? I’m about to get my degree in Journalism and Public Relations, but right now I don’t particularly want to be a journalist. I love writing, yet I’m doubting my past desire in wanting to work for a magazine. Public Relations is cool and all, but I mostly took up the major because of the classes I was interested in.

I love what I’m doing in my internship. It’s what I look forward to every week, where I can do research and help others. Sometimes I sit in my classes and do internship work because I enjoy it more. My library job is amazing. I’m learning more every day about how to process books and what goes on behind the scenes. And both of these jobs could potentially turn into something.

But there’s no guarantee.

I think I could do great things at either one of my jobs. At my internship, I constantly see other aspects that could be worked on or improved. There is a lot of work to do for so few employees. On the other hand, the library needs full-time staff. I’ve been there for two years now and I’m capable of doing most tasks. The problem is that I don’t know if anything can happen. I don’t know if both places would want to hire me, or only one offers, or neither of them consider me.

Being a second-semester senior is hard. I can’t focus completely on my schoolwork because I’m too busy thinking of my future. I think to myself, “why am I doing this when I should be more concerned about the rest of my life?” Passing my Business test is a lot lower on my priority list than job searching. It just is.

I’ve always had this idea in my head that I was going to be an amazing journalist, or that I would be the best new YA author. But working in Community Management and working in a library setting has changed my outlook. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

So who knows what I may get for a job out of college? I certainly don’t.